After a long but really gratifying conversation I was asked this simple but honest question... you are such an amazing person why are you not married? Then before I could answer I received a response.
" I know why, you refuse to settle" My jaw dropped! I could not believe this person figured me out in a matter of moments.
After careful thought and consideration I came to accept that I clearly do not plan on settling even if I care or love my significant. In addition, I also cannot come to terms with spending my life with this person. Yes at point of time in my life I was in love and the world revolved around our relationship but today I cannot even fathom the idea of it. Yes I want a family but I realize he is not it. Thus I have began a new chapter of my life. Free spirited and emotionally detached I have found the door to opportunity clearly open to new adventures.
Settle I shall not because I cannot settle for anything that I am not confident about. The uneasiness of knowing that the man I am with cannot find himself has left me to accept our fate. There is a beauty in self sufficiency and independence that fuels my fire. I do not see this as my last stop... but the beginning.
Settling is not an acceptable solution to the desire for marital bliss.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Twiddle Dumb and Twiddle Dee which one will be me?
After a long week of contemplating and premeditating I find myself back at square one. Come home, make dinner and pay bills. Later I find myself on the phone with a loser for a whole of 5 minutes hearing him tell me that I mean allot to him. Knowing just knowing I do not care nor will I. I guess I was being nice again....
This week has been not only emotionally trying but physically. To make amends and avoid another endless argument I submitted to kindness. No I did not submit entirely but I did kill it with kindness. Avoidant behavior I suppose so but to say the hatchet is buried I can say "no". I will leave this fight for another day. Thank goodness for alcoholic beverages, Spanx and moderately tight dresses. The goal is not to over spend so I can afford to splurge on this amazingly sexy Tory Burch Handbag and matching shoes. Yes the old Dori is back but not at the capacity of the charge it Dori. So with this being said I will attempt to keep an eye out for the dream bag... hopefully it will go on sale :).
Twiddle dumb I think not.. it is time to plan smart, think smart and move my chess pieces in the right direction because this Queen is not playing a weak game..."Check Mate" my love... I am sorry there no winners in this game of love.
This week has been not only emotionally trying but physically. To make amends and avoid another endless argument I submitted to kindness. No I did not submit entirely but I did kill it with kindness. Avoidant behavior I suppose so but to say the hatchet is buried I can say "no". I will leave this fight for another day. Thank goodness for alcoholic beverages, Spanx and moderately tight dresses. The goal is not to over spend so I can afford to splurge on this amazingly sexy Tory Burch Handbag and matching shoes. Yes the old Dori is back but not at the capacity of the charge it Dori. So with this being said I will attempt to keep an eye out for the dream bag... hopefully it will go on sale :).
Twiddle dumb I think not.. it is time to plan smart, think smart and move my chess pieces in the right direction because this Queen is not playing a weak game..."Check Mate" my love... I am sorry there no winners in this game of love.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Decoding the code..
Decoding the code of a man is like decoding the language from another planet.
Remember that book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" it could be very well the case. Looking back at my life, just pressing rewind makes me reminisce on the purity of innocent love. It is the love we allow ourselves to acquaint young selves with before we experience betrayal and hurt.
Looking at the woman I am today after such battle scars. I have realized that yes there are happy endings but I will not bet too much money on landing one. Yeah, yeah oh wow is me. Do not feel pity on me because I cannot feel pity on myself. Unhealthy relationships are my middle name. Look at this I spent the last decade of my life with a man who cannot even commit to himself. Decode it... I laugh. Blame him, more so I blame myself. The time is coming when I start to prioritize and put myself first, but how do you do that when you spend your entire existence putting yourself last.
I tried to decode the language of the male species, even actually started behaving similarly because of the ease in lifestyle. I realize how miserable it made me feel.
Men from Mars.. I think that they have a deficiency and yes there are perfect relationships out there.. just do not know if I will really have the opportunity in this lifetime to experience it. Worn out, yes I am. What I fear most is that because of my experiences I will sabotage my own happiness in return for shelter from the storm we call relationships.
Decode men I shall not, but I will find the time to decode myself and discover the pure and innocent person that has been buried in the rubble of the relationship earthquake.
Remember that book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" it could be very well the case. Looking back at my life, just pressing rewind makes me reminisce on the purity of innocent love. It is the love we allow ourselves to acquaint young selves with before we experience betrayal and hurt.
Looking at the woman I am today after such battle scars. I have realized that yes there are happy endings but I will not bet too much money on landing one. Yeah, yeah oh wow is me. Do not feel pity on me because I cannot feel pity on myself. Unhealthy relationships are my middle name. Look at this I spent the last decade of my life with a man who cannot even commit to himself. Decode it... I laugh. Blame him, more so I blame myself. The time is coming when I start to prioritize and put myself first, but how do you do that when you spend your entire existence putting yourself last.
I tried to decode the language of the male species, even actually started behaving similarly because of the ease in lifestyle. I realize how miserable it made me feel.
Men from Mars.. I think that they have a deficiency and yes there are perfect relationships out there.. just do not know if I will really have the opportunity in this lifetime to experience it. Worn out, yes I am. What I fear most is that because of my experiences I will sabotage my own happiness in return for shelter from the storm we call relationships.
Decode men I shall not, but I will find the time to decode myself and discover the pure and innocent person that has been buried in the rubble of the relationship earthquake.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Why do people feel that reverse psychology is best used when abused? I dont know how g-d determines his distribution of punishment but I would love to send a referral !!
Personally I think that reverse psychology is used and abused way too often...
I was on a call today where I thought I would play off the problem by giving this person a dose of his own medicine boy was that an issue. Some how he took out a extra large dose of reverse psychology and tried throwing it at me. All the nice in the world did not assist me is avoiding what became the inevitable!
Somehow my lack of sensitivity to a issue gave birth to an argument that was really based on topics I should have been upset about. When does not answering the phone and giving reciprocating the inconsiderate behavior become my fault. There is a saying "fight fire with fire" in that battle someone is bound to get burned or " Don't dish out what you can't take", the list goes on! Today I decided to give the fire back some fire... but the little flame wanted to "set fire to my rain".
With all fires there is bound to be some type of damage... burned I am not.. however, I did find that lies are short lived and someone who lies usually becomes argumentative when they have something to loose. Mental abuse, no I will not let you win this battle for you are just what your name is "Mental Abuse". A liberated and strong woman is shunned on for being independent while expressing her earned verbal autonomy under the 1st Amendment.
I will not sensor my opinion or forfeit to those who wish me submissive. It is important to recognize who you are, be strong for what you believe in and never submit. I am who I am and yes I may be stubborn, opinionated and passionate about my beliefs but that makes me the unique person I am "me".
I was on a call today where I thought I would play off the problem by giving this person a dose of his own medicine boy was that an issue. Some how he took out a extra large dose of reverse psychology and tried throwing it at me. All the nice in the world did not assist me is avoiding what became the inevitable!
Somehow my lack of sensitivity to a issue gave birth to an argument that was really based on topics I should have been upset about. When does not answering the phone and giving reciprocating the inconsiderate behavior become my fault. There is a saying "fight fire with fire" in that battle someone is bound to get burned or " Don't dish out what you can't take", the list goes on! Today I decided to give the fire back some fire... but the little flame wanted to "set fire to my rain".
With all fires there is bound to be some type of damage... burned I am not.. however, I did find that lies are short lived and someone who lies usually becomes argumentative when they have something to loose. Mental abuse, no I will not let you win this battle for you are just what your name is "Mental Abuse". A liberated and strong woman is shunned on for being independent while expressing her earned verbal autonomy under the 1st Amendment.
I will not sensor my opinion or forfeit to those who wish me submissive. It is important to recognize who you are, be strong for what you believe in and never submit. I am who I am and yes I may be stubborn, opinionated and passionate about my beliefs but that makes me the unique person I am "me".
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
When is enough really enough?
Arguing is a pandemic in relationships and extinguishing the issues only keeps the actual issue at hand dormant until there is another discrepancy.
Most marriages today end in divorce and those relationships with children leave the children caught in the cross-fire. I can blame either party however, the issue today is do we get married to fit in to the social norms of society or to fill a childhood fantasy? Today most marriage do not last more then three years in fact some do not even make it past the one year mark. I have heard stories from close friends, family and random acquaintances that they wanted to get married and have a child because their clock was ticking. Yes we all want a nuclear family but why marry just any Tom, Dick or Harry to make a child. Many independent women seek motherhood from their local sperm bank. Homosexual couples do the same sometimes. Why get married just to say you were married? Isn't divorce a red flag? I personally have met quite of few men who were married more then once and state that they would really like to get it right the third or fourth time around and two or three kids later. Why ruin a good thing? If a relationship works why do you need a marriage certificate to prove its real? Why marry someone you know you are just settling for because you want to be married or have a wedding you cannot even afford. Why not wait?
Most relationships go through a hump after three years.. you do not even know your partner in three years? Most people show their true colors after saying "I Do" or after having a child. Children can take a toll on a relationship that is not balanced from conception.
Relationships are best eaten when ripe... no one ever enjoyed a hard peach or bitter plum. Haste is waste.... it is important to either nurture what you have especially if it is a good thing or part ways to avoid a messy break up. Compromise is part of a relationship but one must never put on a mask and make believe they are someone they are not just to wear a wedding ring.
In reality all waste floats to the surface.... discard your trash wisely!
Most marriages today end in divorce and those relationships with children leave the children caught in the cross-fire. I can blame either party however, the issue today is do we get married to fit in to the social norms of society or to fill a childhood fantasy? Today most marriage do not last more then three years in fact some do not even make it past the one year mark. I have heard stories from close friends, family and random acquaintances that they wanted to get married and have a child because their clock was ticking. Yes we all want a nuclear family but why marry just any Tom, Dick or Harry to make a child. Many independent women seek motherhood from their local sperm bank. Homosexual couples do the same sometimes. Why get married just to say you were married? Isn't divorce a red flag? I personally have met quite of few men who were married more then once and state that they would really like to get it right the third or fourth time around and two or three kids later. Why ruin a good thing? If a relationship works why do you need a marriage certificate to prove its real? Why marry someone you know you are just settling for because you want to be married or have a wedding you cannot even afford. Why not wait?
Most relationships go through a hump after three years.. you do not even know your partner in three years? Most people show their true colors after saying "I Do" or after having a child. Children can take a toll on a relationship that is not balanced from conception.
Relationships are best eaten when ripe... no one ever enjoyed a hard peach or bitter plum. Haste is waste.... it is important to either nurture what you have especially if it is a good thing or part ways to avoid a messy break up. Compromise is part of a relationship but one must never put on a mask and make believe they are someone they are not just to wear a wedding ring.
In reality all waste floats to the surface.... discard your trash wisely!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Why do people hold on to dead end relationships? Is it to validate a status or a way to avoid starting over?
Plenty of us are in relationships that are on a one way ticket to nowhere...
Does this mean that you should sit down re-evaluate your spouse.. or place yourself back on the market? Yes and no! This means you need to sit down carefully and weigh out the pros and con's of your current situation. I have spend the last 12 years with someone I was madly in love with... but it is a dead end situation. I want kids and he could care less. But in 2009 I began a new chapter of my life. I applied and was accepted to graduate school and made a promise to myself that I would move on when it was near finished. Here we are today, half way through and I want to jump off the relationship roller coaster prematurely. Yes there are marriages that don't last 12 years, but complacency can be more deadly then the plague. Relationships stale and partners forget each others needs, become comfortable and forget what brought them together in the first place. Today I feel more distant then all the days that previously followed. Now to say I do not love my boy-friend of 12 years would be a lie however, the distance in my heart has grown longer and farther away from the start of conception. My sister made a comment earlier today when I mentioned dating. She said "Ddon't you do this every summer?" I answered with a yes and a no. Yes I reassess my relationship every year but more so during the summer when I feel a sense of being reborn. Maybe its the spirit in be wanting to be free, maybe I want to run so far and away that I tend to try to break free only to be disappointed with the variety and selection of men out in the world today.
Relationships do become complacent and they do stale. But the real question is do you keep trying or just wake up and realize that sometimes jumping ship may just be the right move for you.
Does this mean that you should sit down re-evaluate your spouse.. or place yourself back on the market? Yes and no! This means you need to sit down carefully and weigh out the pros and con's of your current situation. I have spend the last 12 years with someone I was madly in love with... but it is a dead end situation. I want kids and he could care less. But in 2009 I began a new chapter of my life. I applied and was accepted to graduate school and made a promise to myself that I would move on when it was near finished. Here we are today, half way through and I want to jump off the relationship roller coaster prematurely. Yes there are marriages that don't last 12 years, but complacency can be more deadly then the plague. Relationships stale and partners forget each others needs, become comfortable and forget what brought them together in the first place. Today I feel more distant then all the days that previously followed. Now to say I do not love my boy-friend of 12 years would be a lie however, the distance in my heart has grown longer and farther away from the start of conception. My sister made a comment earlier today when I mentioned dating. She said "Ddon't you do this every summer?" I answered with a yes and a no. Yes I reassess my relationship every year but more so during the summer when I feel a sense of being reborn. Maybe its the spirit in be wanting to be free, maybe I want to run so far and away that I tend to try to break free only to be disappointed with the variety and selection of men out in the world today.
Relationships do become complacent and they do stale. But the real question is do you keep trying or just wake up and realize that sometimes jumping ship may just be the right move for you.
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